


Lost Shadow

by Loudest_Voice



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Post - Last Airbender, Pre - Legend of Korra, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-26
Updated: 2012-04-26
Packaged: 2017-11-04 08:52:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loudest_Voice/pseuds/Loudest_Voice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katara sympathizes with Zuko's grief, but she knows the world can't afford to let him mourn alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if Mai is dead or not by the time Legend of Korra starts. Let's just label this fic AU in case it disagrees with Word of God (it probably does).

The Fire Nation celebrates people's death. Katara was a child when she first learned of the custom. She'd taken it as another sign of how inherently evil everyone in the Fire Nation was. _No wonder the monsters kill so gleefully,_ she'd thought. _They're not afraid of turning life into ashes. They know their only power is death._

 __Now that she is older (and hopefully a little wiser), she understands that it's not _death_ that the Fire Islanders celebrate. They rejoice in a spirit's return to nature, put together flashy spectacles to guide their loved ones into the next life, and bravely hide their pain to make the departure of the young spirits easier. Making their grief public might make the deceased linger as wraiths, hesitant to move on when their living family members seem lost and desolate.

She looks around the beach where hundreds of Fire Islanders are celebrating Fire Lady Mai's unexpected passing, dutifully dancing, drinking, and responding to each other's stories with seemingly delighted guffaws. Anyone who looked closely enough would notice the occasional stray tears and pained grimaces. Some people are leaning on each other for support and not because they're too drunk to stand unaided. Mai was well loved. Katara is certain that many Fire Nation citizens will be sobbing into their pillows once the mandatory celebrations are over.

An old woman interrupts her thoughts and wraps a thin arm around Katara's waist. "Come, Water sister," she tells her in a tone Katara suspects is louder than usual. "The Phoenix Dance is about to start. We must offer Lord Zuko our support." The old wrinkled crone steers her towards the impromptu stage that's been set up by the Fire Palace's Imperial Shore, where mourners have already begun to gather. There will be hundreds of performances like this one all over the Fire Islands, all taking place as the Sun--Mai's Last Sun--sets.

If Tenzin were accompanying her, he'd launch into an excited explanation about traditional Fire Funeral Rituals. Katara understood only the basics. As Mai's closest Firebending relative, Zuko would have to Firebend a bird representing her spirit and help guide it into its next life by winning some sort of Agni Kai. _Not an Agni Kai,_ a voice that sounds suspiciously like Tenzin's corrects her. _A . . ._

Katara doesn't know what it's called. She considers asking the crone still by her side for the correct term but quickly decides against it. The old woman has called her a sister; a sign of just how much the rift between the Fire Islands and the Water Tribes has been disappeared since the war. Katara doesn't want to risk insulting her by making her ignorance obvious so she keeps quiet, tries her best to put on a genuinely happy smile on her face, and watches.

It's not long before she notices that something is wrong. An wind of unease is passing through the gathering croud, threatening to blow the fragile fog of happiness the Fire Islanders have managed to breathe into the grieving shore. Katara's sure she hears worried whispers about Mai's spirit and that can't be good. "Excuse me," Katara tells the old woman with a bright smile before starting to muscle her way past the crowd. Thankfully, not many people have made their way to the stage so she doesn't have to squeeze past too many sweating bodies. Mai died at the height of summer. She wonders if the Fire Islanders believe that the elevated heat will help Mai's spirit soar faster. Tenzin would know.

"Sifu Katara!" calls a voice the moment Katara reaches the stage. It's one of Zuko's older advisors signaling her to go past a crimson curtain where she assumes the people handling the funeral are keeping the party-- _funeral_ going. Katara nods at her and resist the urge to run forward, not wanting to give the impression of haste. She makes sure to turn, smile, and wave at the crowd when she passes by a Firebender at the center of the stage--she thinks she sees a bit of Mai in the shape of his chin so he's probably another member of her family--before sauntering behind the curtain. "Fire Lord Zuko has resquested--" the usually unflappable advisor falters and looks away, letting Katara knows that she's standing before a potential flaming tsunami of an incident. "Lady Mai's cousin might have to take his place."

"Where is he?" asks Katara, certain that if Zuko fails to perform Mai's Phoenix Dance he'd lose face in front of the entire Fire Nation. And subsequently the whole world.

The advisor almost sighs in relief before, then straightens her majestic red robes and points towards the beach. Katara has to focus her gaze before she spots a lone form sitting by the shore. With a nod to the advisor, Katara hops down the stage and runs towards Zuko, hoping that the curtain are hiding her from the bereaved. And that she didn't stumble in the soft, hot sand. No time to worry about that, though. The sun is almost over the horizon and the spirits only knew how much time she'd need to coax Zuko out of his mood. She stops herself from shouting when she reaches the beach by remembering that Zuko has just lost his _wife._

 _Katara_ had not been concerned with her public image the day Aang died. Zuko had been very supportive of her that day. He'd agreed to look to look out for her children while Mai and Sokka handled the funeral and political fall out. She hasn't seen or spoken to him since. 

She looks down at Zuko's hunched, naked shoulders and hopes he's not supposed to be garbed in some gaudy Fire Nation robe. "Zuko," she says, trying to think of a way to gently but _hurriedly_ steer him towards the stage. She knows Zuko's pushing forty but as she stares down at him curled into a near-fetal position, his knees drawn to his chest, Katara can't help but remember the lost and scarred teenager she met in a Earth Kingdom cave so many years ago.

Mai would have known just how to manage him but Mai is dead. Katara truly feels her loss for the first time. 

"I don't think I can do this . . ." Zuko mumbles without any hint of happiness, forced or not. His slight lisp is more pronounced than Katara has heard in years, which she recognizes as evidence of how deeply he's suffering.

She steps closer and peers down his front. Zuko is bending fire just over the palms of his hands, forcing two bird-shaped flames into a fluid dance. Katara knows enough about bending in general to understand that manipulating such tiny sparks is a trick only an accomplished Firebending master can accomplish. She glances at the setting Sun and silently gives herself permission to momentarily ignore his pain. 

"Fire Lord Zuko," she says again, making sure her tone is harsh and commanding. As she expects, the words startle Zuko into snufifng his tiny fire birds and snapping his head towards her. His golden eyes are wide and she sees his pale skin blush red after she holds his gaze for a few seconds. "You owe your wife one last duty. You owe your people guidance in their time of grief. Stand up." She waits for him to comply in shaky movements and then points at the stage. " _Go_."

She breathes a sigh of relief when he breaks into a hasty run and sets back for the stage at much more staid pace. There's no need for her to risk fracturing an ankle by stumbling in the sand anymore. When she reaches the stage, Zuko's already performing the Phoenix Dance. The advisor nods at her in thanks and ushers her forward so she can stand behind the red curtain and watch Zuko's performance.

It isn't an Agni Kai.

First of all, Zuko's movements are not the usual swift and aggressive strikes of Firebending. It's more like he's dancing, guiding a firebird--Mai's Phoenix--towards the setting Sun in elegant arches. The Firebenders in the crowd shoot obstacles in the Phoenix's way and Zuko has to push it through walls of fire and rings of smoke. Once the Phoenix is so far away that it's barely visible, Zuko lets his arms fall to his sides and stares down at the crowd. His back is to Katara but she can guess that he still looks lost and confused since the crowd waits nervously. 

Hoping that she's not disrespecting some kind of honored Fire Nation tradition, Katara rushes to Zuko's side and grabs his sweaty hand. He shoots her a startled look and she smiles at him pointedly before raising his arm over their heads and grinning down at the crowd of mourning Fire Islanders. For a moment, they stare at her blankly and Katara thinks that she _has_ made a horrible mistake, then one of the islanders lets out a triumphant shout and Katara feels her smile turn genuine. The rest of the mourners take the shout as some kind of signal and start cheering wildly. The Firebenders in the crowd shoot strong blasts of fire towards the dark sky. 

She lets go of Zuko's arm go and sort of leans against him. It probably wasn't a perfect way to handle the whole thing but she's sure Sokka would say something about how she did as much damage control as she could under the circumstances. With a slight shake of her head, she pulls Zuko behind the red curtain, making sure to smile the entire time.

"I'm _sorry_ ," Zuko wails when they're out of the crowd's line of sight. "I don't know what's _wrong_ with me."

Katara first instinct is to snap something about responsibilities, but she settles of sighing to herself and drawing him into what she hopes is a comforting hug. The advisor takes a step forward but Katara shakes her head slightly and feels Zuko's embrace tighten past the point of comfort. "Let's go back to the palace," she mumbles into his ear. For the first time, she wonders where in all the spirits his retainers and bodyguards have vanished to.

Zuko nods in agreement but Katara's still the one who has to pull away. He still keeps a sweaty arm around her bare midriff as they head towards the palace, taking the long way in attempt to avoid any mourners. Katara supposes that it's a good thing Zuko is cuddling up to her since it means they probably look like a couple to anyone who glances at them.

It's a really stupid thought and it triggers an entire slew of even stupider notions. 

She notices her front is practically covered in Zuko's sweat, making the small red Fire Nation-style shirt she's wearing stick to her skin. The Phoenix Dance taxed him enough that she could probably bend the water off his skin and turn it a weapon. Idly, she rubs her index finger over the moist skin stretched over his waist and wonders when was last time she had a man's sweat all over her. 

When she collected Bumi from a particularly boisterous play date last week. 

Katara looks at the rows of palm trees leading to one of the palace's back entrances and holds back a chuckle. Zuko has always been attractive, yes, but Katara had never given it much thought. It was just something that _was_ but wasn't particularly meaningful, like the color of the sky or sound of water streaming down a waterfall. Like all Fire Islanders, he thought nothing of discarding clothes if they became uncomfortable. Why would the fact that he's walking around shirtless and barefoot suddenly start affecting her? 

Aang has been gone for long enough, apparently. She must consider looking for a new lover if having a grieving man draped all over her shifts her mind towards a kind of longing she thought she'd never feel again. The idea makes her feel a pang of sadness but that's to be expected. She takes it a sign that she's ready for romance again. A couple of years ago it would have made her feel like she was betraying Aang and all the years they'd spent together.

But before she can start looking for a man with kind eyes and a nice smile--and nice abs--she needs to help Zuko through the night. "Where are your retainers?" she asks him when they enter the palace and he leads her to what can only be a hidden passage.

"I told them to guard my daughter," Zuko mumbles. "Sorry about going this way," he shrugs, gesturing at the walls of the narrow corridor. "I don't want to risk running into anyone."

 _Everyone's at Mai's funeral,_ Katara doesn't say. She also doesn't say that he shouldn't have dismissed all his guards, especially since most of them will just get in the way of the people Mai hired to care for their daughter. Zuko is quite popular, but there are still some who would take revenge on any Fire Lord.

"You don't have to stay with me, Katara," Zuko tells her when they reach what must be his chambers. There are heavy red curtains with yellow dragons threaded at their seams and etchings of elegant flames all over the walls. "I'm not going to do anything stupid."

Katara doesn't say that he's already done plenty of stupid things and follows him out to a balcony. A full moon is rising over the horizon and she begins to feel a familiar surge of power running through her veins.

"I'm a bad person," Zuko says suddenly. "I'm not even sad."

Katara glances over at him and walks towards the table he's leaning against. "You seem sad," she tells him gently, reaching for his hand.

"But not for the _right reasons_!" he practically yells, taking his hand away and running his fingers through his hair. "Mai's _gone_ and all I can think about is what am I going to do without her?" He let his arms dropped to his sides and shot Katara a look of miserable helplessness. "Every time someone asked me something about the funeral today, I tried to ask her what I should do." He started walking towards her even as his voice adopted an edge of hysteria. "But she wasn't _there!_ Everyone says Mai's my shadow but the truth is I was _hers_. I don't think I've made a single decision without her help since we married. And our _daughter_ and--"

Katara raises a hand to his lips and draws him into another hug. She could tell him that what he's feeling is normal, that there's nothing strange about a man valuing his wife's council, and that time heals all wound. It's all true but she knows it'd sound hollow and meaningless. When Suki had tried to give her a similar speech on the day of Aang died, Katara had very nearly attacked her. 

"She's been the one keeping everything together since Aang died," Zuko mumbles into her hair. 

 _I suppose Sokka, Toph, Suki, and I have been living a life of bohemian luxury then,_ she thinks but doesn't say. Zuko probably doesn't realize what he's saying. He's too grief-stricken to remember a world outside of Mai.

"What do I have if not her?"

"You'll always have your looks," Katara says into his neck. His chest rumbles with soft laughter so Katara considers the jest a success.

"Getting old . . ."

" _Women_ grow old," Katara corrects him. "Men grow _distinguished."_

He laughs a bit more so Katara starts to draw away from him, intending to kiss him on the cheek. He moves his head at the same time and so her mouth ends up on top of his. 

It should have been an awkward fluke but Katare sees Zuko's golden eyes widen and for some reason fails to step away from him. Next thing she knows, Zuko's tongue is in her mouth.

The rational part of Katara is screaming that she should push Zuko away, that he's not currently right of mind. She obeys the part that tells her to push her fingers through Zuko's hair so she can angle his head better and suck on his lower lip. Zuko pushes her towards the table and pulls her on top of it, stepping between her legs when she reflexively spreads them. He slides as close to her as he can, close enough that they're suddenly in contact from chest to belly. Almost like she's having an out of body experience, Katara thinks that she expected Zuko to be much more tentative and shy in bed. At least at first.

She's mildly surprised to realize that she apparently has some expectations about what Zuko might be like in bed.

Zuko raises his head slightly and begins to kiss along her cheekbones. Katara takes a sobering breath and takes her hand out of Zuko's hair. When he slips a hand behind her left knee and runs his palm up her thigh, Katara finally pushes him away. He stumbles back and then tries to take a step forward. She holds up a hand and he abruptly stops, looking at her with wide golden eyes.

"Oh . . ." he breathes. Katara's certain that if she stepped closer to him, she'd find his cheeks as red as a tomato. "I thought . . . you said I was attractive?" It sounds like a question. "And I'm a widower now . . ."

Katara opens her mouth, a reprimand about how he's been a widower for barely twenty-four hours at her lips, but decides that it would be an insensitive thing to say. She has no idea what's acceptable for mourners in the Fire Nation. For all she knows, the people at the beach are currently having an orgy in Mai's honor. "We've both had a long day," she says instead. 

"I'm sorry," Zuko tells her, taking several steps away from her.

"It's all right," Katara says. She hops off the table and stands awkwardly for a few moments. Zuko sighs and turns away from her, which makes her think that she's made the whole evening worse somehow. "Let's just watch the moon," she says, quickly deciding against leaving Zuko alone.

The night is just beginning and she doubts Zuko will be able to sleep anytime soon.  

**Author's Note:**

> The longer this got, the less sense it made.
> 
> Oh well.


End file.
